Peace..

"How do we know when to offer a hand and when to allow the struggle to occur?"

Perhaps the hand we offer our brother need not be a hand that bears an answer or a solution, but rather it can be a hand of compassion, understanding, and support in tough times. Sometimes just knowing that someone cares is enough to lighten a burden, no matter how large.

http://www.gotquestions.org/Jacob-wrestling-with-God.html

"To know Jacob’s story is to know his life was one of never-ending struggles. Though God promised Jacob that through him would come not only a great nation, but a whole company of nations, he was a man full of fears and anxieties."

And, of course, you know this is only a small piece of the sacred adventure of Jacob's becoming Israel.

"Love is not a feeling, but a decision." – Joyce Meyer

I believe she is not referring to "teenage love", but to love that has matured through Christ.
1 Corinthians 13 defines this love quite clearly, in verse 2:
(2) If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

We can go through the motions, but if we do not make a conscious decision to love one another and then act on the decision we are only "resounding gongs or clanging cymbals". In other words, we become hollow and without true purpose. In my opinion, hate is not the enemy, but indifference.